The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm so fucking centered right now
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
