WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
