the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
