I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
