Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
