This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
