Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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