oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
