I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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