I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
