His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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