The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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