do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
