my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
