you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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