he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Still dying that you shit outside
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
