I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
nutella sex= disaster
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
