So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
