Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
