Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
