she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
