Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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