R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
