She even gives head with a lisp.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
