Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
