If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
