He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
