I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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