she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
