YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
PANTIES FOUND
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