When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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