the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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