I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
