Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
