so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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