My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
