Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
