Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
