Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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