wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my shit smells like andre
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
