I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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