The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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