Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
God I need to hump something, right now.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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