Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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