She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
