NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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