there was a trapeze. enough said
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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