Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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