I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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