EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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