Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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