umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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