I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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